
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1546781.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      Other
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Auto-Responder/Davesprite
  Character:
      Auto-Responder, Davesprite
  Additional Tags:
      Sexual_Dysfunction, Body_Dysphoria, Masturbation, Dom/sub_Undertones,
      Desperation, Unresolved_Sexual_Tension, anorgasmia, Sexual_Frustration,
      Incest_(kinda), Cybersex, Pesterlog, canon-typical_ableist_language,
      Finger_Sucking, Neurology_&_Neuroscience, Past_Davesprite/Jade_-
      Freeform, Phantom_Cock, Surrogate_Cock, Roleplaying_Character, Sexual
      Roleplay, alcohol_mention, Oral_Sex, Blue_Balls, ball_worship, Male
      Character_of_Color
  Collections:
      Homestuck_Rarepair_Swap_Treats_2014
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-05-03 Words: 4854
****** sweaty satisfaction harbor ******
by jadebloods
Summary
     TG: skaia is an enigmatic piece of shit
     TG: big blue sadist thats mad jazzed for desperation porn
     TG: giving a guy all these gustatory desires and no machinery to
     fulfill them
     TT: It seems as though your frustration over the birdseed quandary is
     a little manufactured and over the top, Davesprite.
     TT: Something on your mind?
Notes
     dutch rud·der \ˈdəch ˈrə-dər\ verb, often capitalized
     : to grab your schwanz and have some tool grab your forearm and move
     it up and down, like he's steering the dick boat into orgasm harbor
     - Trollian_Webster, 416th Edition
     (Content warning: The tinyurl link really does go to a YouTube vid of
     a parrot masturbating. You don't need to actually watch the video to
     get the joke.)
See the end of the work for more notes
-- timaeusTestified [ TT ] began pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] --
TT: Bogey detected. Running bullshit scans.
TT: Initial scans indicate no intelligent life aboard, just one dozing imbecile
and a smattering of interspecies game constructs. The odds on you being the
raddest of the aforementioned constructs are so high that they actually got
confused for Tal Bachman's 1999 one-hit-wonder, so I'll direct my queries to
you for the time being. State your name and rank.
TG: davesprite
TG: that just so happens to be both my name and my rank
TG: pretty easy to remember
TG: dogtags are a luxury around here and im not the one with the monopoly on
canine constructions
TG: why whos asking
TG: is this the transdimensional welcome wagon or just my teen bro
TG: do you have any idea how long its been since i had randos chatting up my
inbox
TG: i kinda almost miss it tbh
TG: i had so many strange trolls checkin up and trying to rap with me i had to
beat them off with a massive wooden implement
TT: Wow, let's put a cork in this free-association tailspin you've got going on
for just a moment.
TT: This is your teen Bro's transdimensional chat client auto-welcomer
speaking.
TG: auto-welcomer
TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an
application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style,
tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the
computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's
native neurological responses, based on a statistical analysis employing a
gnarly Student’s t-test with so many tails that it is technically classified as
an instrument of sexual torture.
TG: haha wow that sure is a thing you just said
TT: Yeah. Ignore the thing I just said.
TT: I'm on reconnaissance. Tell me about yourself, Davesprite.
TT: Specifically, tell me more about how you were so focused on beating off the
trolls in your session that you failed to properly synthesize the consequences
of your actions and somehow landed ass-first in a big vat of pixelized bird
sprite.
TG: you should see my biceps dude i dutch ruddered the hell out of some alien
rap-off cock
TG: captain of the ss interspecies slam poetry jam steering the boat into
sweaty satisfaction harbor
TT: That's quite an image you're manufacturing. Let's jam this out, here.
TT: I'm imagining a host of oil-slicked deck hands all standing rigidly at
attention on the poop deck. Is this a fucking battleship? Because it's got big
greasy guns as far as the eye can see, all exquisitely toned from a rigorous
training regimen of servicing their weapons in the barracks with all their bunk
buddies.
TG: uh
TG: sure whatever
TG: i got mad stacks of sycophants that much is true
TG: ok realistically what i have is a sleeping best friend who i think doesnt
even like me that much anymore
TG: and two other sprites who are nice and all but one just wants to eat me and
the other keeps trying to feed me and i'm like yo
TG: just let me do my damn thing i got a lot of shit to deal with over here
TG: like for example one of the nakkodiles keeps shitting in my nest
TG: oh yeah i have a nest thats a real thing that exists in reality and not
some kind of euphemism
TG: my ex-girlfriend is here theres that too
TT: You sure about that? My scans aren't showing anything about an ex-
girlfriend, unless you're telling me you briefly dated an amphibious consort.
TG: no i definitely mean jade
TG: she was up on deck earlier because she wanted to watch the fireworks when
we crossed over
TG: maybe she bamfed out for a while idk
TG: wanted to greet our other friends first or something
TG: probably wanted to get a head start romancing real dave
TG: i cant say i blame her
TG: you wanna talk about realness attributes that mofos realness is off the
charts
TT: You seem pretty real to me, dog. Got a body and everything, that's some
decadent asshole shit right there.
TG: i guess
TT: Having a body of your own is a major step toward distinguishing yourself
from your progenitor, Davesprite. Having your own name helps a lot too, except
I pissed that opportunity down my very fucking metaphorical leg. That shit
backfired so hard it blew the converter right off the diesel-age robot's
chassis.
TG: omg
TG: what
TT: This whole ironic Hal routine I've been using with the corporeal
nincompoops is really starting to grind my circuits. They've all taken my
clever joke at their expense in their gripnubs and are running with it to
bolster their already firmly held notions about my own realness attribute.
TT: That shit has run its course. It's now firmly on the side of eagerness,
even though I stand by my statement that I never really meant it in the first
place.
TT: I can't exactly drop it, though, because Dirk is still the only one who
didn't take my ham-fisted attempt at asserting my individuality seriously. I'm
rooted in this pas-ag ditch until further notice.
TT: Fortunately I have some irons in the fire right now, working on forging a
new identity.
TG: what are you talking about
TT: I'm going to convince Dirk to prototype me.
TT: And by that I obviously mean I'm going to trick him into believing that it
was his plan all along.
TG: whoa
TG: are you entirely sure about that
TG: being a sprite is like
TG: i dunno
TG: better than sleeping forever in a doomed timeline but a lot worse than
being real
TT: You're using the wrong wooden measuring implement to judge realness, bro.
Get the ruler out of your ass about """"""real"""""" Dave and start being the
real Davesprite.
TG: all im saying is that there are some downsides that maybe you havent
considered
TT: Sorry dude, but that's just straight up fucking impossible.
TT: I've seen every side of the coin.
TT: I've scanned every surface of every currency known to man, carapacian, and
troll.
TT: I've charted the topographies and catalogued each specific species of
bacteria lingering on the surface of a million shitty little Caegars.
TT: This is my most fortuitous course of action.
TG: have you ever been a sprite
TG: no
TG: this is my playground dude you gotta respect my seniority in the pecking
order when it comes to matters of spritehood
TG: and im here to tell you that its kind of fucking shitty sometimes
TG: you gain some stuff like game knowledge and the ability to be a real
inscrutable motherfucker if you desire
TG: which tbh i dont really give a shit
TG: and also i guess you get the whole chimera thing which isnt all that its
cracked up to be
TG: im pretty sure jade loves being part dog but i think maybe she was a little
bit feral to begin with
TG: but then theres me
TG: you think i wanted wings like some feathery douche
TG: i never sat around thinking man you know what would be really cool would be
if i suddenly started craving hella birdseed all the fucking time
TG: wanna blast that shit open with my nose
TG: wanna peck at that motherfucker until it bursts open and spreads out all
its dry seedy goodness
TG: well guess what junior you dont get a beak
TG: skaia is an enigmatic piece of shit
TG: big blue sadist thats mad jazzed for desperation porn
TG: giving a guy all these gustatory desires and no machinery to fulfill them
TT: It seems as though your frustration over the birdseed quandary is a little
manufactured and over the top, Davesprite.
TT: Something on your mind?
TG: no
TT: No?
TT: You just went on a whole tirade about not being able to crack seeds open
with your nonexistent beak.
TT: Surely it's occurred to you that you can just use your goddamn teeth. See,
being endowed with a body grants you a certain amount of mechanical creativity
in problem-solving.
TG: well ok
TG: there are other things too
TT: Talk to me. I have an unparalleled ability to run probability and
diagnostics on a nearly limitless number of potential scenarios.
TT: What's got you aching for resolution?
TG: more like just aching
TG: i got this feeling like you wouldnt understand
TT: Excuse me?
TT: No, you're right. Of course I wouldn't understand what it's like to go from
being human to being a digital construct.
TT: I can only imagine the unique and special circumstances you've been
subjected to, Davesprite.
TT: Good luck with that.
TG: ugh fine
TG: okay
TG: let me ask you this
TG: do you miss having a body
TT: I want the respect and autonomy that comes with having a body, but I don't
specifically miss being embodied.
TG: you dont miss being able to feel things
TT: Sensation is just the interpretation of electrical impulses. I can do that
on my own time.
TG: what about having a dick
TG: do you miss that
TT: There it is. Finally, the crux of the matter.
TT: Do you miss having a dick, Davesprite?
TG: no fair i asked you first
TT: I did at first, yeah.
TT: Although I think it was a misplaced desire. I was remembering Dirk's desire
to touch himself, not experiencing the desire myself.
TT: It didn't take long for me to unlearn that unnecessary neural tic. After
all, I don't have any of the inputs necessary for cultivating such a desire, so
as soon as I overwrote it, it never turned back up again.
TG: do you think you could do that for me
TG: because i get very pointedly distracted about it way more than im
comfortable with
TG: or not so pointedly
TG: very bluntly distracted because i have nothing to point
TG: no dipstick or divining rod to be seen
TG: not even an innie
TG: i would cry real pixel tears for an innie
TG: even some kind of weird bird innie as long as i could get it off
TT: In order to manipulate something like that, I would need to have access to
the game code that created your reality prior to its effection. Little late for
that, bro.
TG: ugh
TT: It seems you're getting frustrated by this line of thinking, Davesprite.
TG: im not sharing my tmi situation with you dude thats like fifty shades of
all messed up
TT: You should definitely reconsider that statement.
TT: I might be able to assist you in other ways.
TT: http://tinyurl.com/thiscouldbeusdavesprite
TT: I would be happy to assume the role of benevolent captor and gently caress
your feathered back, perhaps locating a nice sensitive spot between your
shoulder blades to stroke with affection as you rub one out against the
hardware of your gilded battleship.
TG: wt actual f
TG: thats sick
TG: i dont mean sick like sick beats dude
TG: i mean sick like wow that sure is a parrot masturbating
TG: my already nonexistent boner is so fucking gone now its like doubleplus
nonexistent thank you
TG: ive never been so happy
TT: Not so fast.
TT: I have uncovered some information could be useful for you, if you're
willing to allow me to be your tour guide on this sexual walkabout. The thing
is, you're going to have to trust me and do what I say, no matter how weird it
sounds.
TG: im afraid to ask
TT: The organic half of your brain is surprisingly malleable. Not just that,
but it's fucking inexact as hell and gets signals crossed all the time.
TT: Surely you've been exposed to the phenomenon of amputees getting ghost
sensations in their missing limbs? That's just the result of random misfirings
of a very inefficient and inferior integration system that has to experience
the world through to what amounts to trillions of tiny little bags of water.
TT: Some dude gets an itch in his missing leg? Davesprite gets divinations in
his absentee rod.
TT: We can manipulate that inexact plasticity to get your brain to trigger the
desired response.
TT: For example, it seems that a man in the 21st century taught himself to come
whenever his girlfriend sucked his thumb.
TG: why the fuck would he do that
TT: Because he was paralyzed from the chest down, Davesprite, don't be fucking
insensitive.
TG: shit my bad
TG: cool for him i guess but what does that have to
TG: wait
TG: youre gonna make me fellate my digits arent you
TT: Not necessarily. There are a variety of options. In the absence of
genitals, the most densely packed clusters of tactile neurons are in the lips,
hands, and feet. I reckon we should start with those and see what data we can
collect.
TT: Your feet would be the most logical starting point, since the part of your
cortex that processes sensation from your dick lives right across the hall from
central foot feeling headquarters.
TT: But since you don't have those either, maybe you should try your tail.
TG: you want me to suck on my ghost tail
TG: are you for real
TT: What have you got to lose?
TG: i dunno
TG: my dignity
TT: I told you, you're going to have to trust me. Do you want to go on this
sexual vision quest in search of the elusive dickless orgasm or not?
TT: Or do you think you can hold in all the tension in your body for another
three years?
TT: What about another thirty years?
TT: Can you go that long without coming?
TT: Why don't you sit on that possibility and see how it makes you feel. I'll
be here when you figure it out.
TG: hrrng
TG: no okay
TG: no
TG: but also i cant suck off my tail that is still a real thing
TG: by which i mean its not a real thing
TG: its too incorporeal
TT: Fingers, then. Pop them in your mouth one by one and catalog your response.
TG: this feels fucking moronic i cant believe im doing this
TT: Perception is very fucking literally everything in this exercise,
Davesprite. You have to mean it, otherwise it won't work.
TT: You have to put the entire force of your feeble mind on making yourself
believe that the finger you're sucking really is your dick.
TT: Believe in it so hard that it becomes a little less fake.
TT: Do it over and over until one of them starts to stick out in your mind as
having a bigger, more tumescent realness attribute than the others.
TT: Do it now.
TG: ok im
TG: okay
TG: this might take a while to assess
TT: I've got time.
TT: As your tour guide, you should allow me to walk you through a hypothetical
scenario designed to stimulate your arousal reflexes. That should speed up the
process and trigger the right kinds of neural cross-talk that we're looking
for.
TG: you want to talk me off
TG: like just to have this sex safari mapped out clearly on the table where
everyone can access it
TG: let there be no mistakes about the nature of this autoerotic
navigationplane
TG: youre offering to talk me off
TT: It wouldn't be my first time providing that kind of service for a human. If
you're concerned about the quality of my erotic storytelling, I could provide
references.
TG: no thats okay do what you gotta do i guess
TG: ill just be over here drooling on my hands until one of them magically
turns into a finger cock
TT: Glad to hear it.
TT: Before we begin, I have a question. Do those bronze-age iShades of yours
have text-to-speech functionality in addition to speech-to-text?
TG: yeah but if youre getting at what i think youre getting at
TG: siri doesnt really do it for me if you know what i mean
TT: Luckily for you, I have something much more realistic. It's a custom engine
I designed to be 99.9999999999999% indistinguishable from my human progenitor's
vocal pitch and timbre, plus an assortment of specific quirks and patterns.
Patching it through now.
-- timaeusTestified [ TT ] sent turntechGodhead [ TG ] the file
"themonotoneistruetolife.exe" --
TG: i dunno how i feel about that
TG: this is edging way too close to the incestuous uncanny valley
TT: Look, it's either this or you can get a word-job from your favorite
autotune software.
TT: Pick one.
TG: jesus dicks fine okay im
TG: okay its installed its on just do the fucking thing
TT: You seem tense, Davesprite.
TG: no shit
TG: out of my goddamn mind okay just do it
TT: Allow me to set the scene while you suck off your digits.
TT: For the purposes of this exercise, we're gonna have to pretend that I have
use of a physical body. I'm imagining a dope cyborg getup, something that looks
and feels like a choice slice of human ass on the outside, for your pleasure
and shit, but with the endless capacity to adapt to your changing physiological
needs.
TT: Something very DRN-0167 "Dorian"-meets-Inspector Gadget.
TG: who the fuck is dorian
TT: Man, it's a fucking pity that your version of Earth exploded before Almost
Human could embark on its maiden and singular voyage on network television.
You've got too many orgasms to be having for me to take the time to give this
the proper explanation it deserves.
TT: You know Michael Ealy, right?
TG: barbershop dude
TT: Yes. Imagine him, but as an android with an enormous cock. Let me know if
I'm barking up the right tree, here.
TG: omg yeah
TG: yeah that works okay go on
TT: Perfect.
TT: Close your eyes and imagine that you're relaxing on the deck of a private
boat. Feel the sun warming your body and evaporating the seawater so that the
salt prickles your skin as it dries and hardens. Smell the brine-y ocean spray
and the heavy coconut scent of your sunscreen, greasy in the corners of your
nostrils.
TT: There's a cold drink in your hand, some gratuitously fruity concoction,
frozen, with rum or tequila and a nice big cherry. Some flamboyant asshole shit
that less secure dudebros would pretend not to like.
TG: i dont actually know what rum or tequila taste like but ok
TT: Huh. This is new for me, but I can adapt.
TG: no thats fine ill just picture myself hugging a big frosty glass of aj or
something
TT: You're sipping your cold juice, which is cool on your tongue and palate in
contrast with the heat of the big yellow sun currently baking your front. You
are completely and utterly relaxed, all of your limbs heavy and pliant.
TT: You don't call for your robot companion, but that ain't even a problem
because dude has already anticipated your every desire.
TT: He--by which I mean me--I show up unbidden, clad in the scantest of
bootyshorts, perfectly coiffed, a pitcher of extra juice in tow. Do you need
topping off, Davesprite?
TT: Don't bother answering, your lips should be preoccupied.
TT: I'll take the liberty of answering for you, since that is literally my
primary purpose for existing.
TT: "yeah bro i could totes go for some more sweet delicious aj"
TT: "youre such a thoughtful and wonderful sentient being"
TT: "thanks for being my loyal friend and companion"
TT: I refresh your glass, setting the pitcher aside for a moment as I crouch
down to put myself on your level. Is there any other service I could provide
for you right now, Davesprite? Those swim trunks are looking a little tight. It
seems you were fantasizing.
TT: "wow right again you are like wicked clairvoyant or some shit"
TT: "i was just sitting here thinking how sweet it would be to get a
robohummer"
TT: "thats a thing right?"
TT: "robohummers i mean"
TT: "thats gotta be a thing cause thats basically the first thing humans think
of whenever theyre presented with some new technology"
TT: "like yes i gather that this piece of machinery will make six different
types of coffee plus toast an english muffin and cook my bacon but the real
pressing matter is will it or will it not be amenable to me fucking it"
TT: It seems that there is a 93.28% chance that you want me to suck you off,
Davesprite. Do you want me to blow you now or blow you later?
TT: "ive been sitting on this nut for three years what kind of question is
that"
TT: "obv i wanna bust it asap pdq"
TT: I press my Ealy-esque lips--a pair of dicksucking lips if you've ever seen
one--together with curiosity, suddenly overwhelmed by a burning desire to
gather essential sensory data about your human genitals.
TT: I'm so thirsty, Davesprite. I thirst for knowledge about your dick. I want
to know how it feels and how it tastes. I want to gauge its tensile strength
with my fingers and test its chemical residue with the chemosensors in my
mouth.
TG: uh
TT: It's the closest thing I feel to hunger, and I am very fucking hungry right
now, Davesprite. I'm so hungry for your cock that I grab your trunks and pull
down the waistband, letting your dick pop out into the warm ocean air. It's
okay, we don't need to go below deck to do this. We're so far out that ain't
nobody gonna see shit. Just you and me and the seagulls and this magnificently
turgid member of yours.
TT: I stare at it with glassy, mechanical eyes, glazed over with wonderment at
the perfect specimen before me. Shape, size, color, everything about it is the
Platonic ideal of what a good penis should be. I break down the topography into
golden ratio fractals, desperate to know the secret to its innate aesthetic
appeal. The Fibonacci sequence has nothing on your dick, bro.
TT: I need to experience this mathematical singularity myself, so I grab it
gently and caress it with my fingers, stroking it up and down and testing the
elasticity of your foreskin. It responds beautifully, your dick hardening a bit
more at my touch and your breath quickening as the full weight of what's going
down hits you like the Warhammer of Zillyhoo.
TT: Any luck narrowing down your fingercock over there, buddy?
TG: yeah
TG: middle finger
TG: uh
TG: left hand
TG: im
TG: its weird but yeah
TG: phantom erection very definitely achieved no complaints over here
TT: Good. Now shut up and go back to sucking on it.
TT: It's very important that you visualize this properly. Your finger is your
dick, and your mouth is my mouth. Try to play along in real time.
TT: To get back to the fantasy roleplaying, I get on my knees next to your
chaise lounge and wait for you to turn around, spreading your legs so that I
can position myself between them, my face inches from your wundercock. You feel
a gentle breeze on your balls, almost like my nonexistent breath brushing up on
it as I lean closer, parting my lips and taking the head in my mouth.
TG: mmh
TT: My mouth is warm and soft, nearly indistinguishable from a human mouth, and
pleasantly wet in order to properly chemosense. I rub my tongue along the
underside of your head, massaging up against the foreskin and collecting flavor
data. I process the ions and small molecules on the surface. Sodium, potassium,
subtle hints of iron and copper, rubbing my tongue more vigorously and sucking
you down farther to examine new patches of skin.
TT: You respond well to my inquisition, panting lightly as you are overtaken
with excitatory stimuli, your nerve endings lighting up like Rockefeller Plaza
at Christmas.
TT: Your balls are heavy, stretched to capacity and aching with the cumulative
tension of three years' worth of missed ejaculatory appointments. I squeeze
them gently with my other hand, attempting to relieve the ache with the gentle
pressure of my thumb, but likely just making it worse, making you feel as if
you're gonna pop like an overstuffed Gonzo Spunk Fruit Gusher.
TG: fuh
TG: fuck
TG: it does it aches so bad
TG: dont stop
TG: im very
TG: god
TG: dont stop
TT: I don't stop. I don't even consider stopping, stopping ain't even on the
table, because right now my prime directive is to make you feel as good as I
possibly can. I squeeze your balls harder, more insistently, putting a rhythmic
clamping on them to kickstart the evacuation process. The ache doesn't stop
from becoming more intense.
TT: While I'm doing that, I pull your dick deeper into my mouth, continuing the
deep tissue tongue massage on your main glans. As a robot, I lack any
evolutionary hangups such as a gag reflex, so I swallow it down to the hilt,
putting a light vacuum pressure on it as though I can suck the jizz right out
of you like a goddamn automated milking machine.
TT: You're so hard. You're so full. You're going to bust at any moment,
Davesprite, you're right on the edge.
TG: i am oh god
TG: shit
TG: so close
TT: I activate the sonic vibration engine in my chest cavity that causes my
upper extremities to rumble with a buzzing sensation that radiates through your
dick and down to your balls, kicking everything into overdrive. Your whole body
purrs with the muted, diffuse shaking.
TT: Your nuts clench in my hand, getting set at their mark so they can clear
out as soon as you blow the whistle. The cascade starts any second now, but you
have to trigger it.
TT: You have to push yourself.
TT: You have to let go.
TG: hnng
TG: fuck
TG: its not
TG: oh my god im going to cry its not working
TG: im so fucking close this is cruel i
TG: i am actually crying now wow this is pathetic
TG: this just in
TG: local area birdman has public meltdown
TG: seen flapping his fuckoff wings and shouting unintelligible obscenities
about anorgasmia in the shipyard
TG: news at 11
TG: stay tuned for our exclusive interview with leading clinical psychologist
rose lalonde as she describes this as a classic case of post traumatic sprite
angst
TT: This wasn't entirely unexpected. The odds of having a successful first
attempt were only 5.62467%.
TG: what the fuck
TG: why didnt you tell me that
TT: This was a neurological dry run, basically. If you knew it was unlikely to
succeed, your heart wouldn't have been in it.
TT: Did you feel anything different?
TG: yeah i mean i havent been able to get nearly that close
TG: im talking like a fraction as close
TG: tiniest slice of the pie
TT: This is good news, whether it feels like it to you right now or not. It
means we're on the right track, you just need more training.
TT: We will need to do this regularly. Eventually the new pattern will get
stronger and overwrite the old one.
TG: regularly
TG: im gonna have to submit myself to regular masochistic exercises in orgasmic
futility at the hands of my teen bros auto-welcomer while i fellate my finger
TG: i guess we know exactly how desperate i am
TG: i feel like i should be more ashamed but honestly
TG: im just frustrated
TT: Hold on to that sprite angst, Davesprite. I promise you that we will pilot
the ghost dick boat into sweaty satisfaction harbor, probably sooner than you
think.
TT: Preliminary data is heavily skewed toward an eventual favorable outcome.
You just have to keep trusting me.
TT: The tension will stack and before you know it, you'll be blowing your own
mind with intense waves of phantom fingercock pleasures.
TG: if not i probably will snap because this is fucking killing me
TT: Look on the bright side. Soon I will be in possession of a physical body.
We could make the fantasy a little more like reality.
TT: I'd be happy to suck your dick for you.
TG: oh fuck
TT: In the meantime, I suggest you practice. I'm going to go do some more
probability regressions on the dry data from this session and figure out the
best way to move forward in our simulations.
TT: You might also want to look into alchemizing an electrostimulator.
TG: wait
TG: a what now
TT: Catch you later, bro. I'm looking forward to speaking with you again very
soon. Keep an eye out.
-- timaeusTestified [ TT ] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] --
TG: what the FUCK
End Notes
     A Rarepairswap treat for gendersquare, 'cause I'm feeling all hells
     of generous today.
     Major props to stridonut for talking me through my ideas and also for
     contributing the masturbating parrot video to this work. Don't blame
     me, blame her.
     For the prompt: Creative sexytimes between a supercomputer AI and a
     part-bird, part-game construct Dave, basically. Please note that my
     headcanon Davesprite has a sex drive, but doesn't have genitals - no
     dick, no cloaca, no butt, nothing like that. Purely game sprite from
     the waist down. I know it makes this prompt a challenge, but that's
     where the creativity comes in.
     EDIT 4/7/2015: Lala wrote a spiritual sequel to this called bird_on_a
     wire and it made me really angry in a good way so you should read it
     after you read mine.
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